Archive for the Comedy Category

Apparently The NY Times Think Video Games Change Everything

Posted in Comedy, Video Games with tags , , on September 24, 2009 by Josh Wittner

A funny blog post in the New Yorker about video game reviews in The New York Times. One gem excerpt of a NY Times review:

“The world as we know it is forever changed. History books must be scrapped and rewritten. A new superpower has emerged to trump all empires that came before. I am talking, of course, about the Pokemon.”

Note:  These are probably jokes, though the first one is legit from the linked article.

Advertisements

A couple things.

Posted in Comedy, Life with tags , on November 10, 2008 by Josh Wittner

I can’t think of a way to describe the idea of ‘ladies night’ without it sounding totally sexist. I’m pretty sure it is, but I’m pretty sure that no one cares. What I’m not sure of is if thats a bad thing or not.

I don’t like the interview question “What’s your greatest weakness?” I mean what are they asking? Do they mean what part of doing this job I’m interviewing for do I think I’ll be the worst at? Compared to who? Compared to the other parts of the job? Well I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be the fucking best at cooking chicken or whatever job this is. Do they mean in life? Like, what are my vices? Do I drink too much? Womanize? Or do they mean psychologically?

I swear that I will push to get hired anyone who tells me, in an interview, that their greatest weakness is their ‘inability to love’.

Pumpkins

Posted in Comedy with tags , on October 29, 2008 by Josh Wittner

Seems to me that pumpkins are stupid. Every other vegetable/fruit is either super delicious, super useful or totally poisonous. The pumpkin is none of these. Pumpkin pie is good, but if it was really good, we’d be eating pumpking pie all the time. They make the canned filling, pumpkin pie all the time is not out of reach, its just undesirable.

Pumpkins are nothing but a seasonal canvas for amateur carvings of halloween related icons.

Pumpkins.

Pffft.

Moon Janitor

Posted in Comedy, Life with tags , , on October 9, 2008 by Josh Wittner

I’m just saying, someday there’s gonna be a base. There’s. Gonna. Be. A base. And its probably going to be in our lifetime. There’s gonna be a base and its probably gonna be in our lifetime. In our lifetime there’s gonna be a base on the moon. A fucking moon base.

And I’m telling you all right now, I’m gonna live on the moon base. I’ll do whatever it takes. Even if I have to be the janitor. I’ll be a fucking moon janitor. You bet your ass.

When you live on the moon everything is intense. A toilet clog and the whole system has to shutdown, everyone would be rushing everywhere trying to figure out how to survive. And there I’d be, with my moon plunger, ready to save the day. Being a moon janitor would be so fucking sweet.

And think about the girls. Earth girls, moon girls are fine too but they’re not impressed with the moon factor. Earth girls are where its at. Earth girls are easy. As a moon janitor you could steal an earth girl from any earth dude. An earth investment banker has nothing on the moon janitor.

The only guy on earth that has a chance of beating the moon janitor is that crazy Russian dude who rides and jumps lions for the circus. I mean, he’s a fucking lion rider. I could talk about space until I was hoarse, and all he has to do is ride up on that lion and with a roar it’d be over. I’d be standing there as they rode off toward a ravine or a cliff or something and then just when she got scared he’d lean back and whisper just loud enough to hear over the wind rushing past them, “hold on” and then he’d jump the fucking lion over the ravine and her hair would come loose and blow back in the wind and the sun would hit them just right, it would be so beautiful. And I would just be stuck standing there trying to figure out how to convince the moon president to let me bring back a lion.

If the moon janitor and the lion rider teamed up they’d be unstoppable.