On being an individual

I wonder now and then if I really am the person that I appear to be. The longer I ponder it, the more convinced I become that regardless of who we think we are our actions define objectively who we really are. Take confidence. Despite how we might feel about our confidence, how sometimes we might feel that the way we’re acting takes more confidence than we really have, the facts would disagree with us. Take modesty. Despite that we suppress the excitement we might feel for something we’ve done and by acknowledging that suppression feel somehow less modest, again the facts would disagree with us. We are defined by our actions. Everything we do, say, every way we react and change. All of it. Its all us. I am what I act like, even if how I act isn’t how I feel.

I think this asymmetry with what we feel and how we are could eat someone up. It can make one feel untrue. I have come to believe that we are not untrue. I have come to believe that I am all of it. I’ve come to accept that I am the objective and the subjective me. I revel in it now. No one but I will ever truly understand how the objective and subjective me mingles. Its the first thought I’ve ever had that made me feel individual.

Near the end of the movie I Heart Huckabee’s Brad Stand asks , “How am I not myself?” A heavy question. I likewise pose it to you; how are you not yourself? I mean ever. You may not be who you want to be, but how are you not yourself? You may not be who others want you to be, but how are you not yourself? Ask yourself, how am I not myself?

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One Response to “On being an individual”

  1. Matt Casanova Says:

    I liked it in the Fool’s trilogy when Fitz was talking to the fool about pretending to be Royalty and pretending to be a girl. He then asked who the true Fool was, If he had every even known the true Fool. I don’t remember what the Fool said exactly but it was something like “They are all me” or “I am all of them”. I like that because we all have parts of us that sometimes we share and sometimes hide. Just like you said, “How am I not myself?”. Just because a person acts tough at one moment and kind another doesn’t mean that he wasn’t being himself in one of those moments. Humans are complex. We shouldn’t need to feel the need to boil ourselves down to one word. And just because we don’t always “feel” like we “Are”, should definitely not cause someone to untrue. It is sad if it does. And even more sad that no one in the world would know it.

    Boo yea!

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