“How that girl at the bar with the “boyfriend” sold herself out.”

Last night we tried something different. We went to a different bar, on a different avenue, with a different environment than we’re used to. The motivation sprung on me by my older brother’s enthusiasm to meet people, and maybe, if things go just right, girls. There wasn’t a light in the place that wasn’t red and the music was too loud but there was a strange excited energy as well with so many people packed into one place. It was hot in there, but the air seemed fresh so it wasn’t as bad as you might think. After squeezing through the crowds I made it to the bar and ordered our drinks. They cost too much, but not ridiculously so. We squeezed back through the crowds toward the front entrance where earlier I had spotted a spacious spot to stand; unique in the room. I spied around the room, pausing here and there to ponder my opening with this or that girl. My brother noticed two girls sitting alone at a table bordered on one side by a booth and chairs on the other and trudged over there and did something that has always struck me as amazing, he introduced himself.

What you’ve got to understand is that this is not something I’ve done before, which is strange I guess since I’m 25 going on 26 years old. I’ve never gone to a bar and approached girls without the circumstance just presenting itself. I don’t mean to say that I’m useless at it, once a conversation is broached I can keep it going and keep it interesting, but in all my previous trials in the world of women and bars the wall had crumbled on its own, I’ve never really swung my own hammer to break it down. So to watch my brother walk up and just introduce himself, as though he was offering the girls the world in doing so was jarring to my understanding of how things could be done. And you know what, it worked, they talked to us.

My brother has this way about him, like he’s certain that every girl he’s attracted to that doesn’t downright shoot him down is as interested as they come. Its on or off with him. Maybe its not an attitude that gets the job down as well as others might, but its an attitude that breaks the wall down, its an attitude that opens the door. Its an attitude that I must try and remember when my confidence wanes and I start thinking I should just leave.  There was one chair open at the table so I asked if I could sit there and when no refusal came, took my seat.

One girl was on the phone as girls at bars are wont to be and so I started a conversation with the other girl (who I thought was cuter anyways). “Do you know what this place is called?” I asked because I honestly didn’t know. I’d never been here and the only sign I saw outside was for the Catholic Seamen’s club which I assumed couldn’t be this place. “No, I just moved up here 4 days ago” and we were off. I got her talking about herself, where she was from, why she moved, what she left behind, her career choice as an interior designer, her professional opinion on the place we were at, how she paid for school. We talked about grandparents, friends, fears, a whole slew of interesting and diverging topics. Her friend left and I moved to chair closer to her for twofold reasons; we wouldn’t have to shout over the music, and the conversation could become a bit more intimate.

She was enjoying herself, laughing often now, starting her own new topics of discussion. Once my brother had opened the door, I stepped in and got things rolling and now the conversation was lively and engaging on both sides. Then one of the striped collareds sat down next to her and put her arm around her, turned to me and said, “Hey, I see you’ve met my girlfriend.” My response was incredulous, “Oh yeah, in the four days since she moved up here?” I was suspicious of his claim for a couple of reasons; when he sat down he appeared looked to a friend to ensure that he had sat by the right girl and earlier when I asked her if she had moved to Seattle with anyone she had said no. “I moved up with her” I met her eyes, “Oh yeah?” This was the moment where I’ve decided that girl sold herself out.

Nothing. She didn’t say anything. She smiled the ‘I’m sorry’ smile. That’s all she did. Now there are two ways that I think this situation could actually be. The first is that he is not her boyfriend, and that when her friend left she did so to find a guy to come ‘save’ her friend from me as I wasn’t really cut from the mold that the other male stock was from. But during her friends search our conversation progressed and became something we were both clearly enjoying. Once the lie was committed though, she couldn’t refute it and save face. She sells herself out here, and misses an opportunity to make a friend in an area where she admittedly has almost no friends. This option is a bit more conspiratorial but I do not think it is a conspiracy that would take much effort to mount and so i don’t see it as wholly unlikely.

The second option is that he actually was her boyfriend, which means we have to find a reason why she said she moved up alone. If we take the premise that he is her boyfriend then the most apparent reason I can think of is that she thought if I was just hitting on her I’d find out about the boyfriend soon enough, but if I would lend myself to friendship after giving up my initial sexual motivation then why scare me off now by mentioning the boyfriend and lose a potential friend? Its a tough psychological problem to analyze and I’m not well enough versed to make a real go at it. If he is her boyfriend though she still sells herself out of a friend because she doesn’t do anything to resolve the conflict. I tried, I introduced myself to the ‘boyfriend’ and mentioned some of things we’d been discussing trying to move my position from advancement sexually to a more purely friendly one, changing my goals to that of simply continuing an interesting conversation but he was tight lipped and she seemed to be completely dominated by this man, as though in his presence she no longer had opinions of her own. I don’t understand how this new presence could change her so dramatically. The conversation died out, I wished her luck again on finding a good job that she enjoys and wished them both a good night, and left with no contact information exchanged.

I met a girl who just moved here, who enjoyed our conversation, who wanted more friends and yet I will never be friends with her. We’ll never be anything to eachother. Another potential ally in this unforgiving world lost for me and the girl at the bar with the ‘boyfriend’.


5 Responses to ““How that girl at the bar with the “boyfriend” sold herself out.””

  1. John Jensen Says:

    Ah, to be young again.

    In all seriousness, stupid incidents like this make things much easier in the long run. And hey, under the conspiracy theory scenario look how embarrassed she was — maybe in the future she won’t allow her friends to do stuff like that.

    I need to hang out with your brother, because I’m not meeting new people in Seattle either 🙂

  2. Matt Casanova Says:

    Situations like this suck, but I find it is always best to assume that people aren’t lying. Worrying about it will just bring you down, and since you won’t ever really know there is no reason to dwell on it.

    I find it weird when girls don’t mention their boyfriends, but it actually happens a lot. They just don’t think it is that important. I know a guy who asked a girl out to a BBQ just the other day. The thing is I know that girls boyfriend. The girl just thought she was being asked out as a friend. After days or weeks of talking she never brought up her boyfriend. I don’t know why.

    And maybe when the boyfriend first sat down and was looking confused it was because he knew you where a dude and therefore interested.

    Also maybe the conversation ended because she was “in trouble” with her boyfriend or something stupid like that.

    The point is that you can look at the situation from many angles and see different results, so why pick a bad one.

    She probably sucked though, because no matter why, she still stopped talking once the dude came. That is lame.

  3. Josh Wittner Says:

    I’m not really worried about this event, nor has any moment of it brought me down during or afterward, and I don’t think I’ve dwelled on it, being that I wrote this only the day after and only then because I thought it was an interesting story. There really wasn’t a whole lot to dwell on.

    I agree that there are many possible realities here, but I provided the two that seemed most likely from my first hand experience.

    In this case she denied his existence by saying that she moved up alone, which he refuted.

    Like the number of licks to the center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know.

    She definitely sold herself out though. And that is lame.

    But BBQs are delicious.

  4. *shouting over the music* “Yeah, she just said you were looking for a third.”

    I’m just sayin… When someone brings imbalance to your see-saw, move the fulcrum.


  5. Josh Wittner Says:

    Adam, damn that’s awesome.

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